Value the Curious Mind: A Story about becoming Fascinated with Frustration

A few years ago I was battling a mixed basket of depression, stress, and anxiety. I felt powerless to change the way I felt. I didn’t think there was anything I could do to change how I was feeling. My heart was fluttering, my mental stamina was squashed. I couldn’t maintain focus on anything. I felt trapped in my head. This fear-provoking story was stuck on replay, while I attempted to dissect every word, every conversation, every single contributing factor to the emotional dump I was carrying with me everywhere. I wanted to set the story down, but my mind would not let it rest. The more I tried to get away from it, the more it seemed to take over.

One morning I was telling my story to my personal trainer. It was a work story. In my case work was intertwined with family. My bosses were my parents, and one general manager that was not family. My first priority was the business. This was true of aspect of my life. I chose work over everything. I would rather spend a Saturday in my office coming up with new procedures, catching up on paperwork, or preparing a production flow for the upcoming week. I was committed to my position, my family and my teammates. I had a series of odd conversations with the general manager, and I wrestled with how to share these conversations with my bosses: my parents. My trainer sparked something when he said to me, “You have to find a way to get fascinated with your frustrations.” I remember feeling kind of frustrated with the comment. He went on to explain that we if gave the same kind of attention to the frustrations in our lives as we did to things that passionately ignite our big dreams we would find some unreasonable solutions to our problems. This required a dynamic change to my thought process. I had to step out of the victim role, and start asking big questions. I would have to start looking for alternate entrances and viewing the issue from different roles and perspectives. I started reaching out to other industry leaders. I sat down with some powerful, influential people and asked for their insight. I asked how they were processing particular repairs. How were they marketing and building their brands? What was affecting margins in the front office, and out in the shop? What made them join this group, or that group? At the end of this journey I was able to come back to my parents with not only some concerns, but some solutions to the issue.

This experience made me start to truly value curiosity. One of my greatest weaknesses was being able to get the words out of my mouth when I had a question. Especially a question that I feared would make me look ignorant to my peers and team members. The caveat to growing up inside of an industry, is that everyone either believes you already have all the answers to everything, or that you should, or that you’re just a spoiled brat. These were all identities I had placed neatly into my own story. They were characters of fear that I regularly backed away from. I stood in the shadows because I didn’t want the spot light on me. Afraid people might see that I did not know everything. I wasn’t sure how some specific things worked. The problem was I didn’t feel comfortable asking questions about those things. I also did not want to step out and tell people exactly what I did know. I was afraid of the curve ball that would leave me without an answer. Today I completely understand that it’s ok to not know everything. I am not a God. I am not an encyclopedia, and I am certainly not Google. In fact I love it when someone asks me a question I don’t have an answer too. Those are great gateways to group problem solving. These kinds of questions provide a platform to learn about something as a team, or obtain insight from the other experts and professionals. Those questions give me an opportunity to learn something new.

One of the automotive industries greatest mentors, Michael Anderson, tells a story about a man that was retiring from the industry after 30 + years of service, and he commented that no one ever asked him where he would change processes to increase efficiencies or add value to employee satisfaction. That man was filled with great ideas, but no one asked his opinion until he walking out the door. It’s important to ask questions. Questions invite everyone to the conversation, and the more people that are involved in the conversation, the more solutions we create to any issue. You never know what kind of brilliance people hold until you ask them to share in a safe setting. So, let’s work to add to value curiosity. Let’s reward people for asking great questions, not just for providing solutions. It is my opinion that there in no great answer that was not first questioned. Let’s fascinate ourselves with our frustrations.

- Pamela Denny 4/21/2020